Supporting Students Who Are Grieving

School-based support and increased understanding are essential when a student experiences the death of a friend or loved one.  While each student will be affected differently depending on his or her developmental level, cultural beliefs, personal characteristics, family situation, and previous experiences, the National Association of School Psychologists have developed these strategies that can be helpful in supporting bereaved students:

  • Be understanding and tolerant of common grief reactions which include: decreased appetite, difficulty sleeping, a decreased ability to concentrate, increased sadness, and social withdrawal. Students sometimes also feel anger toward the deceased for leaving them.
  • Be simple and straightforward. Discuss death in developmentally appropriate terms for students.
    • Use words such as “death,” “die,” or “dying” in your conversations and avoid euphemisms such as “they went away,” “they are sleeping,” “departed,” and “passed away.” Such euphemisms are abstract and may be confusing, especially for younger children.
    • Let students know that death is not contagious. Although all human beings will die at some point, death is not something that can be “caught” and it is unusual for children to die.
  • Be brief and patient. Remember that you may have to answer the same question multiple times and repeat key information to ensure understanding.
  • Listen, acknowledge feelings, and be nonjudgmental.
  • Express your own feelings in an open, calm, and appropriate way that encourages students to share their feelings and grief.
  • Avoid making assumptions and imposing your own beliefs on students.
  • A variety of feelings are normal. Be sensitive to each student’s experience, as there is no one right way to respond to a loss. Feelings and behaviors will vary across students and will change throughout the bereavement process.
  • Normalize expressed feelings by telling students such are common after a death. However, if their expressions include risk to self (e.g. suicidal thoughts) or others, refer immediately to the appropriate professionals.
  • Be sensitive to cultural differences of students and their families in expressing grief and honoring the dead.
  • Consider a student’s intellectual abilities, behavior, and conceptual understanding of death. For children with developmental disabilities. Their limited communication skills do not mean they are unaffected by the death. Behaviors such as increased frustration and compulsivity, somatic complaints, relationship difficulties, and increased self-stimulatory behaviors may be expressions of grief.
  • Maintain a normal routine in your classroom and engage students in activities they previously enjoyed.
  • Provide the opportunity to talk and ask questions and use these questions to guide further discussion. Encourage students to share feelings, but in ways that are not disruptive to the class or hurtful to other students.
  • Keep in mind that some children may have a difficult time expressing their feelings or may not feel comfortable talking at school. Do not pressure these students to talk. Some may prefer writing, drawing, listening to music, or playing a game instead of talking about their feelings. Provide students with a variety of options for expressing grief.
  • Talk to the bereaved student’s classmates about grief and emphasize the importance of being understanding and sensitive.
  • Help bereaved students find a peer support group. There will likely be other who have also experienced the death of a loved one.

Additional resources from the National Association of School Psychologists are available by clicking here (link opens in a new window).

School Based Supports

Both schools are fully staffed with school social workers and school psychologists who are able to support students who are grieving.  Should you feel that your child needs assistance during the school day, the best thing to do is to reach out to your child's teacher or advisory teacher who can then connect you with the appropriate school based resource.

Community Based Resources

There are a number of resources that are available in our community and we encourage parents and families to reach out to their child's primary caregiver and/ or insurance provider for additional suggestions on resources that might be available.  The resources listed below are provided at low or no cost:
 
Since 1980, CROYA has been charged with attending to the social and psychological needs of the young adults of Lake Forest and Lake Bluff. It provides a supportive atmosphere where students can identify their needs and, around those needs, create structured programs that are positive and rewarding.
 
Text a Tip
Text-A-Tip is a 24/7 anonymous text crisis hotline offering emotional support for middle school and high school youth. You will simply text 525326 (and your message) to the number 1-844-823-5323.  Within seconds, you will receive an automated response, and within minutes a live mental health counselor will respond to your text.  All messages are sent through a cloaking server located offsite that keeps the communication completely anonymous.
 
Willow House (Link opens in a new window)
​Willow House is a non-profit, social service organization whose sole mission is to support children, families, schools and communities who are coping with grief and the death of a loved one.